I tried my best to make my life worthwhile, even though I was not able to sleep properly and was bruised everywhere including the face.
It had been quite difficult to create something new until then, as I moved around which gave me a chance to know stuffs I had not encountered, though. On the other hand, the torture became harsher after I settled down at the single place as an easy target, but I might have a chance to do something different.
I have had no idea I would have a future, though I made up my mind to make the best effort, irrelevant to what has become of me, which was one of the reasons why I decided to stop moving around.
However, the life was harsher than I had imagined. For example, I was interfered always while studying a new subject from the book. The spy has bothered me by sending a voice through the electromagnetic wave or by a paralyzing headache that I could not do anything at all.
I have often felt dizzy to shut down my brain function, which has also deprived my normal life. All the issues took place under the sleep deprivation, implying that I could not do anything worthwhile in those days.
Having said that, I was able to go out to the town to encounter something new, as far as my condition was better which did not require a functional brain. That was all I could in those days.
I was still bothered by the delusion that the torture would halt sooner rather than later, which was always started from a few month ahead. Precisely saying, the spy told me that they would complete their mission directly to the brain, which I did not believe at first, but eventually trusted, though this trust was betrayed in the end.
It was actually a framing of the CIA and Japanese police intelligence, not self-created paranoia, but I was deceived by the spy all the time.
It was quite natural to believe if you were told this was going to end at hundreds of times every day. They controlled my emotion at the same time, but it was irrelevant that the spy could create a belief when intensively conducting an operation in this way. However, this trust was betrayed always in the end that my mental was worsened at every dead end.
Their original goal was to make my mental worn out and I became so exhausted as I could not find a way out. However, they still failed to fall me down, hence they needed to run another eliminative operation against me.